


sirs, is this your son?

by candy



Series: zosan, but make them married dumbasses [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Family Fluff, M/M, chopper is too precious for his own good, stranger danger beep beep run away ahhhh, zoro and sanji are terrible human beings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27613193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candy/pseuds/candy
Summary: Sanji and Zoro's "parenting" of Chopper gets called into question by the morals police.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: zosan, but make them married dumbasses [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015680
Comments: 13
Kudos: 121





	sirs, is this your son?

It’s not every day you get accosted by a beautiful woman while minding your own business on a street corner.

She grabbed Sanji by the shoulder and turned him around. Face flushed, steam pouring out of her ears. He loves it when a lady is rough with him. Sure, he’s holding his husband’s hand right now while they wait for Chopper to get back from the bodega... but it’s no big deal if he says hello. Right? “What can I do for you ma’am?” he asks affectionately with a big goofy grin; his face feels warm.

The woman was maybe in her early thirties. She had blonde hair, green eyes, wearing a navy-blue skirt with opaque tights, heels, and a wool jacket. Corporate, most likely. The capital of the Ballywood Kingdom was one of the most economically powerful cities in the world, she probably worked down the block in one of those skyscrapers looming above them. She wasn’t wearing gloves despite the brisk weather, and the ring on her left hand meant she was married. Casual flirting was fine he decides, it wasn’t going to go anywhere.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t in the mood. _Read the room shithead, now’s not the time._ “Is this your son?” She pointed to Chopper, who was looking very embarrassed and eating a large chocolate bar.

“Son?” Zoro asks, appearing dazed after almost being thrown into oncoming traffic when she grabbed a hold of Sanji. However, he quickly gets it together realizing the question that was asked. “Lady, we don’t have a kid.” He was irritated by this women’s attitude.

Sanji kicks the back of his head, _Shut the fuck up_ , and apologizes to the woman on the spot. His husband was a fucking asshole. “Chopper’s our friend, not our son,” he answered politely. “What’s the matter?”

The woman frustratingly stabbed her finger in the direction of the bodega. “Your s- _friend_ was buying beer and cigarettes. Do you know about this?” She took the tiny black bag Chopper was holding and pulled out a carton of _Death_ cigarettes and waved them around. “If this is the kind of influence, you’re setting for him, then I have a problem with that.”

Oh. She was one of _those_ people.

Okay.

“Whoa,” Zoro had let go of Sanji’s hand and waved it around “Curly has a nicotine addiction, I wanted a beer and the reindeer wanted chocolate. It’s not a big deal.”

Why was _his_ a nicotine addiction huh? He clicks his tongue, scowling at the contradiction. That bastard was a borderline alcoholic, what gave him the right to say anything?

Nevertheless, there’s no time to argue about it as the woman was getting furious. “Then why not go yourself? Why not send your husband? Why send a kid?” She wasn’t yelling at them, but her voice was intensifying in rage. She about to set up a scene right in the middle of the sidewalk. For some of the most wanted people on the planet, this was the last thing they needed right now. They came to the city to be anonymous, not to be center stage.

(Luffy will cause an international incident later, Sanji was going to try and enjoy the anonymity while it lasted.)

The logic was simple: Someone had to babysit the stupid swordsman or else he would end up on an uptown train going god knows where. It was Chopper’s idea, so he said he’d go. Not only that, but Chopper wasn’t a kid. He looked young, however, Brain Point made him look small (and precious.) If he was in any other form, he’d look closer to his age.

The woman looked down at Chopper, looking more concerned. The tone of her voice changed from hostile to sweet, like a preschool teacher. “Are these men really your friends?” she asked leaning in uncomfortably close to his face. Chopper let go of her and backed away “That’s what I’ve been telling you!” He was yelling, looking beyond annoyed at this point. “I’ve known these guys for a long time now, they’re good people I swear!”

The lady didn’t look convinced. And really? She should be suspicious of the men in front of her. In fact, _she should really be suspicious of the reindeer too_. “How long have you known them?” she asks.

She was kneeling at Choppers height. He looked her dead in the eyes, taking a bite of his chocolate bar. “Seven years.”

The woman looked slightly taken aback. She laughed a little, clearly not taking his answer seriously. “How old are you?”

“Oh, this will be good,” Sanji whispered to Zoro, taking out his last cigarette and lighting it. The swordsman grunted, slightly smirking. They backed off slightly without the woman noticing. To give Chopper some space.

“I’m 22,” he answered straight-faced, transforming into Heavy Point, and towering over her. The woman turned pale. Without a word she dropped the cigarettes and began running down the sidewalk, crashing right into the crowds of people walking the other way.

“Happy holidays ma’am!” Sanji began waving his arms and yelling down the street. Zoro reached for his hand again and couldn’t stop laughing.

Chopper picked up the cigs and handed them to Sanji, looking defeated “That was unpleasant, she kept shouting ‘Whose child is this!!’ and just wouldn’t listen to me.” He said with a sigh. “I don’t think people take me seriously in Brain Point.”

“You’re doing fine, that was assertive of you,” Zoro says assuredly, as a man walks past them and places a thousand berry bill into the tiny black bag the woman had dropped. The chocolate, beer, and cigarettes just paid for themselves.

“Aww don’t say that you bastard!!” Chopper pops back into Brain Point, wiggles around, and swipes the bag off the ground, handing it to Zoro with the money. He opens the can of beer and handed the money back to Chopper, “Hey, you earned this,” he said, patting him on the head. The reindeer’s eyes widened, and he jumped on Zoro’s shoulders, grabbing hold around his neck. “Let’s go! I’m ready for the bakery! I want cupcakes!”

“Are you sure you want to ride on my shoulders?” Zoro asks playfully, causing Chopper to tense up and jaw drop. He shakes his head rapidly, jumps off, places his hooves on his hips, and looks very determined. Sanji could laugh, but he just grins. Chopper was trying his best; it wasn’t necessary to tease him further. “No, I think I’ll walk myself.” He answered and began to march off in the direction of the bakery, finishing the rest of his chocolate.

Sanji sighs, flicking some ash off his cigarette. “He’s going to wear himself out.”

The swordsman scoffs. “You sound like his dad.”

Utter nonsense was coming from this assholes mouth. Really, who did this bastard think he was? “You looked like his dad a second ago!” He retorted, and they continued bickering while following their reindeer son across the street.

**Author's Note:**

> zoro begrudgingly buys a banana pudding after sanji and chopper make fun of him disliking cupcakes. he hates it so much.
> 
> anyway, writing these little one-shots are like pure serotonin for me. i hope u all enjoy them.


End file.
